Beautiful Page...Prayers And Blessings To Nikki / Daisy Hunt (none)Read >>
Beautiful Page...Prayers And Blessings To Nikki / Daisy Hunt (none) Nikki Thanks so much for sharing John Thomas' story! What a beautiful page...I love the poetry...I was there with you Sweetie tears running down my face still now...(((hugs))) Your angel baby is there with you running around with his younger brothers live in the comfort of that. XXXX DaisyClose
First I would like to say that John is such a handsome, sweet baby. I now see how hard the holidays are and with his birthday being there also, it makes it just that much more. I wanted to thank you for lighting a candle for my son Angelo. The past couple of weeks have been so hard and I love seeing when people write to him. I never knew what people went through until this happened to me. I wouldn't wish it on anyone in the world but on the other hand it has given me a better appreciation to other grieving parents. After reading baby John's story, I couldn't imagine your pain. Angelo is my husband and I's first and only child. He passed away from SIDS when he was 2 1/2 months old this past September. There is no situation that is better or worse when you lose a child. There is not one day that I don't think about him at least 100 times. There is no rhyme or reason, nothing anyone can do to prevent this. It's not fair. Babies shouldn't leave us. I want you to know that you, baby John and your family are in my prayers.
Again thank you and happy belated birthday to you, baby John.
I remember yesterday, three years ago. The Louisville cardinals were at the Gator Bowl and it was storming like crazy. We went up to Jon's parents because there were tornado warnings everywhere. We were still in the town house because our house had just burnt to the ground 5 months earlier and there was no basement there. So there we were at John and Laurie's trying to watch the Gator bowl. It was coming in and out because of the satalite signal due to the storms. Jon was so mad...lol....little did I know that would be the last night I would ever feel your little life inside of me. There was definatly a storm of our own rolling in. This morning three years ago I woke to a very pregnant, still, belly. I was in my nineth month. You did not get the hiccups that moring as you normaly did and I knew right away something was wrong. I had to convince my doctor that something was wrong...they think they know everything, but I assure you, nothing is stronger and more right than a mother's gut feeling. At 2:00 pm, three years today, I found out that my little John Thomas, my sweet baby boy, who I thought of every second of every day, was gone, had no heartbeat, and was not going to be my bouncing baby boy. I would never see his smile or hear his cries. I would never get the see his little hands move. I just wanted so badly to see his little chest rise and fall, knowing he was breathing, but today, three years ago, I found out I would never expirience those joys. Not only would I never get to have those things with him, but then it hit me that I had to give birth to a baby who had already passed away. How do you prepare yourself to meet your dead child? Every dream you had for this little life you were about to give birth to suddenly was swept out from under you and instead you had to prepare to give birth to your precious baby that you could only hold for a limited time and then put in the ground. How??????? I held him for 6 hours. Not nearly enough. How do you give your child to a nurse knowing that you would never get to hold them again? Where does strength like that come from? I had to prepare to bury my child when I wanted to be preparing to take him home. Instead I gave birth, gave him away, and put his tiny lifeless body in a box, then in the ground. Does anyone know how a mother finds a way to do this? I don't know how I did. There have been so many times in the last three years that I have wanted to go to the cemetary and just dig him up and hold him. I just want right now to go get him and bring him home, but I never will. I never can. He would have been a three year old little boy with thick blonde hair and deep blue eyes. He would be starting to play with kids his age. He would know by now how to follow rules and play with his brothers. He would have wanted things, asking for things and talking up a storm. But he is not and instead of decorating for a birthday party I decorated a headstone. It is not that God does not give you what you can't handle. It is that God helps you handle what you are given. I know it was his strength, because otherwise there in no answer to HOW I have gotten through and was able to do what I did.
I read the story as I said I would, and I'm so sorry. I cried and cried I hope that we can stay in touch with each other. Your family is so beautiful. And congrats on the baby. I wish you and your family the very best in the future. Thank you for sharing your story with me, and allowing me to do the same with you. Our boys have the same birthday, just different years...WOW!!! Thank you Nikki for your time. I will keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers. I hope are boys...are angel friends up there in Heaven:)
My sweet baby nephew / Jessica Estes (Aunt)Read >>
My sweet baby nephew / Jessica Estes (Aunt)
i never got a chance 2 meet u but i know in my heart u know who i am. i miss u very much. u have a beautiful family that loves u very much and think about u everyday. i know u are watching over all of us YOU'RE ARE GUARDIAN ANGEL. you were only here for a short time but left a lifetime of happiness for everybody. i love u very much and sometime in the future we will meet. LOTS OF LOVE HUGS AND KISSES I AM ALWAYS THINKING OF YOU!!!!
Update for you little one.... / Mommy (Your Mommy )Read >>
Update for you little one.... / Mommy (Your Mommy )
So much has happened this year baby boy, Your brother Austin had surgery and I am sure you wtched over him because he recovered and did so great so quick. And I am sure you have something to do with our new little blessing....Our New baby boy Gavin Mariano who will be here by Oct 30th...All these boys!!!!! How did I become soooo blessed???? I am so sorry I have not wrote you since your birthday, but you know you are the first little guy I think of in the orning and all through the day. I visit you in person when I can but it is definatly time to get you some new arrangements. I will do it as soon as we can. I want Daddy to help me pick out the flowers. We love you dearly and wish everyday you were here. Being pregant again and waiting for this baby reminds me again so much of you. I try to stay calm and not panic but it is so hard to enjoy being pregnant when you fear and know how quickly it can be taken away. I just love you so much and I know you are here with us. The 3D ultrasound of Gavin looks so much like you, more than Jaxon...I am so excited to meet him. I love you John Thomas and I will alway always miss you until we meet again...Love and Miss You...~~~~Mommy Close
To my angel on 1-3-08 / Mommy (Angel Mommy )Read >>
To my angel on 1-3-08 / Mommy (Angel Mommy )
This morning at 8:00 am, two years ago, I woke up to a very still 9 month pregnant belly. I thought you were just sleeping in that morning, running out of room to move, but in my heart I knew something was very wrong. I got up and went to go potty and your normal morning hiccups didn't come. I got Austin up and ready for school trying not to panic, and got him to school. As soon as I dropped him off I raced home and ate a very sugary bowl of cereal and sat there waiting for it to make you move, and still nothing. I tryed to call Daddy, but he was busy at work cause there was a small electrical fire the night before and he was assesing the damage. I then started to try to play with you, poking my belly and then turning into and panic of shaking my belly begging you to move. I called the docotor to tell them what was going on and they told me to try everything I already had. They said they would call back. By then it was noon and time to get your brother so I drove to the school, still begging you to move. I got a call back on my way to the school asking me to come in just so they could check you out. I got your brother, called dad again and grabbed him from work. The whole way to the doctors I shook with fear and at one moment I thought you moved but there was still nothing there. We got to the doctors and I walked into a room of lively pregnant women. Fear and panic overcoming me I just held my head down thinking of what the hell I was going to do if I ever lost you. I was trying so hard to avoid the giddy pregnant women in the room who were glowing while waiting with hope and happiness to hear their babies heartbeats. I knew two weeks before this day that something was wrong, you moved too much like you were panicing trying to get out and I told them I thought you had got yourself in a knot cause the whole time I was pregnant all you did was squirm and kick, you were so lively. They called my name and I rushed into the room. I laid down on the bed as the doctor put the cold moniter on my belly...nothing...just silence...Then she told me you were probably turned hiding yourself and said they were going to take me into ultrasound to check everything out. She left the room and I turned to Jon and I told him you were gone and he told me not to worry, everything was going to be ok, so I made my heart think you were ok praying to God that he wouldn't let me loose you. She came and got me in the room and it seemed they had the hall cleared for me and the ultrasound tech was there at the door waiting for me. I felt like I was walking into a dark room of torture. I layed on the bed and the lights went out and this time instead of watching the screen with anticipation I turned my head into Jon's chest, clenching his arm hoping if I held him tight enough I wouldn't get hurt, they wouldn't tell me you were gone............but you were. they said I am sorry but there is no cardiac activity.....I went blank and just screamed....I pulled the deepest scream out of my core that it felt like it tore me in two, and Jon, my sweet love..just in complete shock. All he could say was Are You Kidding Me, and then he broke. At that point we were screaming together, not crying, but screaming out in horrible pain that is so unimaginable, then I realized, they had let Austin in with us, oh my God, my little boy, who was looking foward to you as much as we were. I yelled to get him out, to please take him somewhere else. They took him and you were already taken......you were gone.................Then I realized I had to have you. My belly wasn't going to just disappear, I had to give birth to you. Then I felt gross. I was a walking coffin. I was ashamed of my huge belly that 24 hours ago was such a lively joyfully thing. At that point I just wanted you and the whole pregnancy to go away. I was completely denying I was pregnant all together. I was in complete shock......And I felt so gross. I was carrying your lifeless body in me.......Then I thought I smothered you. If you had just been outside of me you could have taken a breathe and everything would have been fine. It all happened so quick, it is such a blur. They checked me in a room at about 2:00. I choose to have you vaginaly so they started to induce me. They only hooked me to the contraction monitor and I remember feeling so offened. But what was the point, you were gone, there was no heart beat to hear. To get me the room the took me through a back way, almost like I was a dirty secret or something to hide. I know it was so I wouldn't see other pregnant women. to get into my hospital gown was torture. I walked into the bathroom and Daddy was there trying so hard to help me, trying to hold back his hurt just to make me feel like I could fall into his arms. We got into the bathroom and as I undressed all I could see was this huge pregnant belly. Your coffin, I looked away quickly, crying, screaming inside and Daddy was there just holding me trying to get me in my gown. I got into my bed and they drugged me up. It wasn't going to hurt you, you were gone. Everything of yours was ready, the room, the supplies, the toys, the bag. Grampy got your bag and brought it to the hospital. I slept and cried. I think I cried in my sleep the whole night. This was only the 3rd of January at 2:00pm, I still had 24 hours of torture to go through, I woke up sometime on the 4th and they were inducing me with pitocin, the strong stuff, I don't really remember much between being induced and when I started feeling the pain, but the pain came and it was coming strong. Your little body was ready to be delivered. I was anticipating what you were going to look like, I couldn't wait to see you, but I was thinking, how was I supposed to give you to them when you finaly got here? Knowing I was never going to see you again? You were coming quick and they didn't believe me. The doctor had left the room and we were left to bring you into this world. The nurse delivered you and I remeber seeing your limp body just falling out of me, you weren't blue yet and then I saw your body, it was blue....Then I saw the KNOT.......The damn cord that was supposed to give you life failed you. I failed you........They took you from me and I screamed for you...I told them I want my baby, give him to me, I want him now. Your dad was hystarical, he honostly didn't know what to do or think. He had worked so hard during your labor to keep me comfortable that I don't think he prepared himself for you. But there you were and then they gave you to me. My sweet little angel. I cried and then looked at you, I held you so tight, I smelled you and felt you. Your little cold head was pressed up to my cheek and I just cried. I lifted your little blue hat to reveal the thickest little blonde curls I have ever seen. I chuckled inside, they were so adorable and at that very point I realized you were an angel. You were meant to be an angel. you were too perfect for this earth. Skin of smooth silk porclin, hair of gold curls, and little eyes of blue, as blue as the heavens. They brought me you clothes and Daddy and I dressed you. That outfit you were supposed to come home in. After you were dressed I gave you to Daddy and he looked you over, every part of you. You were his heart ripped out of his chest, as was mine. You were our love ripped from us. I was so angry asking anyone that was there why He took you. Why did you have to go? You were mine. I wanted you back right that second. I just held you as much as I could. I passed you around to the family and when I got you back I knew you were not at peace. Then God gave me the strength to give you to the nurse. I wanted you to be at peace.They took you then at 8:00pm on January 4th 2006. I held you under my heart for nine months and in my arms for six hours and that was all I had. I never got to see you take a breathe. I never got to hear your first cry. I longed for the grip of your little hand around my finger. I never got to see you smile or take your first step. Nothing but the warmth in my womb did I get from you. The love that you were made with, the games you would play with your kicking, the joy and hopes you created, I thought that was all I got. I thought God ripped me off and that I couldn't live without my little John Thomas. but I was wrong. You were and are so much more. You gave us life, you saved us. You led us to our heavenly father. You gave us Jax. We would never had had him if you nver would have been chosen so soon. We have three baby boys now instead of two. We have a reason to live, instead of a life not worth living. We feel deeper, love deeper, and live deeper because of you. We believe deeper. I feel you all the time. I even smell you sometimes out of no where you appear. You remind me to ease up and enjoy life and to you little John Thomas I owe so much to. You gave us so much more than you took away and therefore tomorrow on your birthday we will celebrate you. I wish in my heart you were here and we had cake and presents and you and your brothers played with balloons and laughed and ran around together as happy as could be, I wish I could hold you now at two years old and run my fingers through you little locks of gold and look into those deep eyes of blue and tell you so deeply I love you. But only in my heart can I imagine that. and only in my heart it will be. For you were meant to be with God and the angels and one day in another time I will be with you and we will have our time. But right now I will live life and feel my pain, but I will know what you gave me, no matter the pain. My sweet little John Thomas, I Love You
Your angel / Taylor Elliott-collaso (passer by )
To the parents of John Thomas, I too have joined the "unlucky group" of parents to lose their baby. My son, Dominic Anthony, was stillborn April 2nd, 2007. Not a day passes that I dont think of him. I sometimes cant get up out of bed and sometimes I cant sleep. God bless all of your three beautiful boys. I always wonder what its like to have another baby after Dominic, but I'm very scared. I hope all is well with Jaxon. He's so handsome and he sure does have the blonde hair like John does. I think people often see that John passed away in 2006 and to them it seems like you should have moved on, but to you I bet, regardless of it being almost 2 years, it still feels like yesterday. This pain and absolute AGONY has got to subside at some point, but my heart just won't allow for it. I hope you have a little piece of John in Jaxon. My prayers are with you. I would like to add John to Dominic's webpage only if it is alright with you. Take a look. Let me know if it's okay. God bless you and your amazing family.
GOD' GREATEST GIFT, YOUR ANGEL BABY! / SHARI, ANGEL MOM TO YANNICK WHITEHEAD (VISITOR)
I AM SO SORRY, FOR THE LOSS OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY. I AM ALSO SORRY FOR YOUR HOUSE FIRE. WITH ALL THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH, I HOPE THE WARM PRECIOUS MEMORY OF JOHN WILL HELP EASE THE PAIN OF YOUR BROKEN HEART.
IN MEMORY OF JOHN;
TIME HAS PASSED, FILLED WITH SADNESS AND GRIEF. WITH ONLY SWEET MEMORIES OF YOU AND DISBELIEF, ON HOW HOPES AND DREAMS CAN SUDDENLY SLIP AWAY IN JUST ONE MOMENT IN JUST ONE DAY. A PEN AND PAPER IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU "GOODBYE", TO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE JOY AND LOVE YOU BROUGHT INTO MY LIFE. I HOPE YOUR JOURNEY HAS BEEN SAFE AND YOUR LOVING SPIRIT CONTINUES TO GROW IN THE EMBRACE OF ANGELS, AND GOD'S GRACE I LOVE YOU JOHN, MORE THAN YOU KNOW.
sweet sweet baby / Aida Quarry
i am sitting here watching your photos crying my heart out for you and your family. My son also had a True Knot and it was a very big one ,i was one of the luck ones and that is why i feel so deeply for you all .You a so strong to create such a beautiful son and beable to handle your love and lost .My thoughts and prays go out to you all regards aida Close
Love Lost Never Dies / Roger W. Hancock (none)Read >>
Love Lost Never Dies / Roger W. Hancock (none)
Some will say the loss of a baby before birth is not as bad as the loss of one you have began to raise and bond. The bonding begins immediately upon knowing our child's existence. The hurt will remain through the years but knowing all is God's will, and our baby reside in his arms, makes it more bearable. We may not be reminded as often for we have fewer memories to be reminded, but when reminded the pain still squeezes our hearts. Life goes on, but we will not forget the loved one gone, before first breath. Though we have more children to hug and hold we will not forget the sibling they will never know. Within our hearts we build rooms for each child, to love equally yet differently. Within that one precious room remains the unrealized expectancy, the pain of love lost. It has been 20 years, the pain of Stephanie’s still birth still remains in that room where I often will open the door just a little bit to remember my son’s, forever, baby sister. We will hurt, it will not subside, however we will go on, our loss will become more bearable in time. I support my wife in her hurt as she supports me in mine. We move on life, in God, loving Him and loving each and every one of our children equally.
Seventeen years later I wrote a poem of our loss, “Our Stephanie” which you can read at: http://www.poetpatriot.com/PoemsFrendFam.htm#Our%20Stephanie Close
Happy Birthday! / Trisha Caleb &. Carter Eskridge's Mommy
Happy Birthday John Thomas!! I hope the angels threw you the biggest birthday party any one could hope for. I know my boys are keeping you company today. You are such a big little guy today. One year. Time sure has flown by. I just wanted to wish you a very happy birthday. Send those hugs and kisses down to mommy, daddy and Austin. Love Always, Trisha Close
I thought of you today.... / Sherri &. Dave Hart (Pastors)Read >>
I thought of you today.... / Sherri &. Dave Hart (Pastors)
<a href="http://www.mysugarspace.com"><img src="http://mysugarspace.com/myspace-graphics/images/banners/prod_107_1681.gif" border="0" alt="Girly Myspace Layouts" title="Girly Myspace Layouts"></a><br><a href="http://www.mysugarspace.com">Girly Myspace Layouts</a><br>
I thought of you today celebrating in heaven the day you were born into the arms of Jesus! I look forward to many birthdays there with you, Danielle, and Josiah and so many others....We have forever to celebrate and rejoice in knowing life there never ends. So today when I thought of you I whispered again and again "Happy Birthday Little Guy!" You are so loved both here on earth and in heaven!
Heaven is not so far away.... / Sherri Hart (Pastor)Read >>
Heaven is not so far away.... / Sherri Hart (Pastor)
I know in my heart Heaven is not so far away. I will join you there with my little ones on bright and awesome day. I know when we all arrive there will be such bliss as we then will embrace our little ones whom so much we miss. I find my comfort, I am blessed and so sure... that you John Thomas, my sweet Danielle and Joisiah rest in Jesus's love so pure! Your mommy and daddy are growing in God and for this they have your precious gift of life which brought them to know... you opened a way for them to see His love like they'd never known before. So, Heaven's not so far away but rather closer everyday! Love, Sherri Close
Thanks Nikki! / Killians Mommy, Keena
Hi Nikki, thank u so much for asking about me, that was kind of you to take the time & concern. Im doing fine, in the process of adopting, soon,& working again for about a month now. Killians 2nd bday was 2 weeks ago, pheww..tough stuff!! I am so excited for you about the familys gathering to honor all of your amazing babies, and yes, its always wonderful to be in a place that you dont have to stop talking about ur John, I understand that so much. That will be a great day for you &ur family. Youll have to let me know how it goes!! Thank you also for the nice words about my helping others, I appreciate that. Its my mission from God to keep helping grieving moms, sharing Gods hope &support & maybe peace and some laughter along the way...just my way of turning my tragedy into beauty, by helping Killians friends' "mommys".. also giving him honor! Thank you again, & the graphic is beautiful, Ill put it on Killians main page tonight, God Bless you, and also congratulations on the new little guy soon to be here :) Luv & prayers, Keena
(((Good night precious John, God Bless you sweety, U & Killian sleep snuggly ok)) we love you,xoxoxo Close
A BABY BROTHER FOR YOU JOHN THOMAS!!! / Khristy Clements (Friend to Grandma Keating )Read >>
A BABY BROTHER FOR YOU JOHN THOMAS!!! / Khristy Clements (Friend to Grandma Keating )
I am SO excited to hear that you and Austin are going to have a new baby brother!! I bet your mommy and daddy are just so excited that they can't stand it!! I love his name too :-) His name reminds me of you. It will be so nice to have a little reminder of you in everyone's heart - for all time. I bet that you and he are talking to each other right now, and you are telling him that he needs to give mommy, daddy, and Austin extra love, hugs, and kisses for you!! We all know that babies have their own special language, and that they are THE most special of God's angels!! Watch over Jaxon, sweetheart. Keep him safe and content in mommy's tummy until he can join us all in February. We are sending you extra hugs and kisses to heaven. Loving and missing your precious little self - perfect in every way! Nite Nite, John Thomas.
Hi John Thomas / Trisha Carter &. Caleb Eskridge's Mommy Read >>
Hi John Thomas / Trisha Carter &. Caleb Eskridge's Mommy
Hey John Thomas. I was just thinking about you today. I hope you and Carter & Caleb have found each other and are best friends. I just wanted to make sure that you watch over your mommy and daddy and Austin. Lets not forget to keep the new baby safe in mommy's belly. Thankyou for bringing me and your mommy so close together, without you boys we would have never known each other. Have a fun day playing in heaven......Trish Close
God Bless You and Thank you. / Lisa Autry (Mommy to Brennan Autry )
Thank you so much for thinking of my little angel. I've seen your site before. I've said so many prayers for you to get through. It's been very hard for us lately. I had my tubes tied and we are going to Mexico in March 2007 to have the reversal so that we can try again.
I'm so sorry for the pain that you have. I just can't imagine not taking my child home with me. I'm so glad that I had the chance to spend some short and sweet time with my little Brennan.
I'm so sorry that you weren't able to do that. I'm so glad though that you got to see his beautiful angelic face.
Thank you for adding my little Brennan to this site. That's so very sweet of you!
God Bless you and I hope that John Thomas visits you in your dreams. God doesn't give us more than we can handle.
Your house was so beautiful also. I'm sorry that that happened to you and your precious family.
Thank you for being such a wonderful and strong woman.
Thank You / Lou (Trisha's Mom )
Nikki, thank you so much for contacting Trish. Only you and other mothers who have lost their children truly understand what she is going through. I know that God brought you together so you could help each other . I am truly sorry you had to experience the loss of John Thomas. I know God has a reason for everything even though it is not always what we ask for. He knows best. I pray for you, for Trish, and all the other mothers who had gone through this pain. Please know you are not alone and others are always thinking of you and praying for God to give you the strength to get through this difficult experience. God bless you and your family. Close